


Out of the Game

by bloodykiss147



Series: Out of the Game AU [1]
Category: half life but the ai is self aware
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - In a Video Game, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:02:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24281779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodykiss147/pseuds/bloodykiss147
Summary: The events of HLVRAI happened in a state of the art virtual reality system with Gordon completely unaware, now outside of the game he has to deal with what happened and an annoying new roommate
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Bubby/Dr. Coomer (Half-Life)
Series: Out of the Game AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1787419
Comments: 42
Kudos: 446
Collections: HLVRAI Fics





	1. Exiting

**Author's Note:**

> I've been so excited to write this, this fandom is a gift
> 
> Un'beta'd ya'll

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 05/21/20 Edited for better canon

The first sense that returns to Gordon is his hearing, it’s a faint hissing coming from all around him. Next, he hears screaming until his sight returns and He can tell he's the one it's coming from. When he can move again his first instinct is to clutch his arm in pain, but the hand is there and that calms him slightly.

Gordon looks around, his breathing heavy and shaking. He's in a lab of some sort; he's in a pod in front of him is a set of goggles hanging from a mechanical arm. He thinks to himself it reminds him of a VR headset.

Gordon slowly slips out of the pod as his legs shake, he can't remember how long he could have been in there but he can tell it's been a while. He looks down at himself and notices he's in a strange suit; he would describe it as like the HEV suit but much more form-fitting and with strange tubs coming from it. He's about to panic when he hears footsteps approaching, but a familiar voice stops him for the moment.

"Good to see you up, Mr. Freeman."

"You!" Gordon snarls.

"Now, now; no need for the– aggression, Mr. Freeman," G-Man says.

Gordon is about to explode at the strange man but he hears another pod hissing. It takes his attention away; the sound was coming from the pod to the left of his. The top opens releasing a tall skinny man with short dark hair, Gordon recognizes it as Tommy.

"Welcome back Thomas," G-Man says; G-Man goes over to help him out of the pod. Tommy 

"What is going on!" Gordon yells in frustration, he's still shaking with adrenaline and anger.

"Everything will be explained when everyone else wakes up, Mr. Freeman," Tommy coughs.

Gordon nearly drops all his aggravating to worry about Tommy, but then he realizes that Tommy is in on it. Gordon's jaw clenches but he relaxes it for the sake of his poor teeth.

Gordon watches the remaining three pods, he assumes that they belong to Coomer, Bubby, and– Benrey. Something twists inside Gordon as he thinks about the man, who he now has to come face to face with for real.

Another pod opens this time the one on the right. Tommy goes over and helps an elderly man out, he was obviously Dr. Coomer. He comes out slower than Tommy; once Coomer seems to register where he is he smiles at Gordon and Tommy.

"Hello, Gordon," he says smiling.

"Hello," Gordon sighs.

"How are you feeling, Dr. Coomer?" Tommy asks.

"Fit as a fiddle," Coomer says.

"How long until someone explains to me what's going on!" Gordon yells.

"Soon, Mr. Freeman. Why don't you take him to the showers, Tommy?" G-Man says.

"I'm not going anywhere!" Gordon says.

Gordon finds a bench against a wall and sits there with his arms crossed as they wait for the remaining two to open. Coomer joins him while Tommy is over with the G-Man.

"I don't understand what's going on! Was none of that real? Is your name even actually Coomer?" Gordon looks down at his hand.

"What happened wasn't real, but who I said I was is," Coomer says. "How about I reintroduce myself. Hello, Gordon; I'm Harold Coomer. Just call me Coomer."

Gordon let's out a slight laugh. "Hello, Dr. Coomer. I'm Gordon Freeman."

They shake hands and a more comfortable silence takes over as they wait.

It doesn't take long for the next pod to open, they seem to have a similar timer between releases. From the pod beside Coomers out came another elderly man he looked like wind could blow him over, but he was still obviously Bubby. With Tommy helping him out the first thing he does is swear about his legs.

"Dr. Bubby!" Coomer gets up and goes over to them to pull Bubby into a bear hug.

"Put me down! Put me down," Bubby tries to wiggle out but barely and the blush across his face was blatant.

"Good to see you're okay Dr. Bubby," Gordon says.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Bubby asks

Gordon almost loses it again but takes a deep breath.

"Looks like only Benrey is left," Coomer says.

Gordon can feel himself start shaking again as he watches the remaining pod closely. He can't hear the others as he focuses on it completely.

When it opens Gordon's let's out a breathe. Benrey looks nothing like he did before. He's stocky with long black hair, he has serious five o'clock shadow and dark bags under his eyes. 

Gordon keeps staring as Benrey lets himself out, it looks like it comes natural to him.

"Hi, Benrey," Tommy says.

"Hey, Tommy," Benrey greets him nonchalantly.

Benrey's eyes meet Gordon's. "What are you looking at?" he asks.

Gordon snaps out of it and sneers at him.

"Now will someone tell me what's going on?" He shouts.

"There is no need to yell, Gordon," Coomer says.

"Just. Tell. Me. What. Happened!"

"You were in a game, Mr. Freeman. Total and perfect virtual reality," G-Man says.

"A– A game!" Gordon yells and starts pacing around. "And you all knew!" He looks at "the science team" with furious betrayal.

"Well not exactly," Coomer says.

"We volunteered for the experiment, didn't you?" Bubby asks.

"No! I came into work and then suddenly everything was going to hell. I don't even remember getting into that pod," Gordon shouts. "I– I remember, Tommy! You asked me to help you with something. You tricked me?"

"You were our control, Mr. Freeman. You couldn't know what you were getting into. So we lied. I'm sorry."

"What about the rest of you?" Gordon says.

"They were aware of the experiment, but that was taken away inside the game. Though– there seemed to be a bit of a– glitch. In the system," G-Man says while staring pointedly at Benrey.

"I'm sorry we couldn't tell you, I tried but something kept me from doing it," Coomer says.

"Yes, that was. Us. Can't let you all ruin the experiment," G-Man says.

"What about you Dr...Bubby?" Gordon stops for a moment. "Is that even your real name?"

"Yes!" He answers in a huff. "Also I sort of had a feeling something was off. Everything felt weird so I just went along with it," Bubby says with a shrug.

"What about you Tommy? You were acting?"

"Kind of. Sometimes when my dad was around I knew it wasn't real."

"You're dad?" Gordon asks confused.

"I did tell you to look after my progeny, Mr. Freeman" G-Man chuckles.

"Benrey?"

"What? Oh yeah, done this a million times," he says picking at his ear almost bored looking.

"Yes, about that. Mr. Benrey, may I speak to you. Privately," G-Man says and walks Benrey out of the room.

Something about the way he said it makes Gordon's hair stand up, he almost goes to intervene but deep anger still burns over what Benrey did; well what he only technically did, in a game. Gordon still can't wrap his head around the fact this whole time nothing was real. Even though the fear, the exhaustion, the pain felt so real; now it was nothing but a faint afterthought.

"What about my arm? I could feel it being removed," Gordon asks Tommy.

"I don't know, Mr. Freeman. You're not supposed to feel pain."

"Well I did and it fucking sucked," Gordon says trying not to sound too mad at Tommy. "Also what about that party at the end, what the hell was that?" Gordon asks.

"We do that so people calm down before we extract them," Tommy says.

"I guess it's hard to be mad when you're confused as hell," Gordon admits.

In the moment of silence, Gordon hears Benrey yelling something from the other room and he's immediately out the door before anyone can stop him.

"This is bullshit you can't fire me!" Benrey is yelling at the G-Man while sitting on a desk. "I've been doing your dirty work as "the bad guy" for years."

"You should have thought about that Mr. Benrey when you didn't listen to your orders," his tone sends shivers down Gordon's spine.

Gordon wants to put himself between them but fights the urge. They didn't seem to notice him in the hall so Gordon listens quietly instead.

"When everyone else leaves you will join them," G-Man says. "You let your own interests interfere with the experiment."

"So? It's all bullshit. None of this was for science you just like fucking with us," Benrey jumps from the desk. "You know what never mind, I'm out."

He's about to leave so Gordon hurries back to the other room with the rest of the team.

"Everything alright, Gordon?" Coomer asks.

"Y–yeah, everything's just fine."

A moment later Benrey followed by the G-Man returns to the room.

"Tommy why don't you show them to the showers," he says.

"What happens now?" Gordon has to ask.

"You go home, Mr. Freeman," G-Man says.

"R–really? You're not going to like kill us to keep the experiment secret?" Gordon says.

"Not at all Mr. Freeman, you're all free to leave."

Gordon and the rest follow Tommy out and down a long hall, past the room Benrey and the G-Man were having their conversation in. At the end the hall splits into another long hall and a locker room. They follow Tommy inside, the locker room looks just like it did in the game.

Something inside Gordon wants to freak out, assuming it's still in the game but the others don't seem phased. The lockers are labeled with paper name tags, Gordon finds his, inside is a set of sweats, a few other random things he'd usually have in his pocket and a bag labeled with his name. It looks to be the clothes he came to work in.

Gordon showers and gets dressed in the sweats and takes the rest of the items from the locker to just carry home. While he is finishing up Gordon catches a bit of the conversation Coomer and Bubby are having with Benrey.

"You could probably stay with me, Benrey," Coomer says.

"I highly doubt that, you said you're also from the Gabe Newell retirement community. They're very strict about guests," Bubby says.

"I'm sure they wouldn't notice," Coomer replies back.

"Oh, they will!" Bubby says.

"It's fine guys," Benrey finally says. "Been fine so far."

Gordon stares into his locker contemplating if he wants to say something or not. Benrey was such a huge pain in his ass but none of it really happened, and Benrey didn't even seem to want to hurt him anyway.

Before Gordon's mind could bring itself to its' senses he blurts out that Benrey could room with him if he needs it.

"What are you saying over there Feetman?" Benrey asks.

Gordon grows under his breath. "I said. If you need a place to stay for a bit you could stay with me."

"Oh, sure cool dude," he says.

Tommy joins them in the locker room again once everyone is ready to leave.

"I'm really sorry again Mr. Freeman, I didn't like not telling you. But it was for science!"

"I know Tommy, I'll forgive you," Gordon says. He honestly can't be mad at Tommy, he was a good man and obviously was genuinely sorry for the deceit. Though he's sure the same forgiveness won't be extended to the G-Man. "Hey, so like is what you said actually true? G-Man's you dad?"

"Yeah."

"Is your last name’s really Coolatta?"

"Yeah, he didn't have one. So I— I chose it" 

"Huh, well it was nice meeting you, Tommy. Even though it was in a virtual reality game that I had no consent in being put into."

"We can still be friends and talk sometimes, I don't live very far," Tommy says excitedly. "You can meet Sunkist!"

"Sunkist is real!?"

"Yeah, and I really did make him. He's not really immortal but he's the most healthiest dog in the world."

"I'd like that Tommy," Gordon smiles at his new friend.

"Us too, Gordon! We only live thirty minutes away. We can see each other again. This time as real friends," Coomers cuts in.

"Honestly I'd really like that, it was a wild ride," Gordon says with a genuine smile.

"I'm glad everyone is ready to go. Dr. Coomer, Dr. Bubby your ride home is here," The G-Man says as he enters the room.

"Well I guess this is goodbye, for now, it was nice working with you all," Coomer says.

"Yes, it was a hoot," Bubby says sarcastically.

"Are you leaving with them, Benrey?" G-Man asks.

"Nah," he says.

"He's coming home with me," Gordon says. "I mean I'm letting him stay with me, for a bit."

"Very well," G-Man says. "Your ride should be arriving momentarily, you both can wait outside."

Gordon and Benrey follow the G-Man and Tommy outside of the facility. Gordon almost felt like crying when he saw the night sky above them and could see civilization not too far. It is real.

"Hey, what about my job?" Gordon suddenly remembers. "Am I fired? I need the money!"

"No need to worry, Mr. Freeman. You will be well compensated for your time as well as paid time off and a future position in the labs if you want it."

"Yeah! You can come work with me!" Tommy says.

"I'll have to think about it, how do I know you won't just do it to me again?"

"We promise it won't happen again!" Tommy says first. "Besides if you already know about it you can't be the control again."

"Okay– I'll think about," Gordon says.

A dark-colored van pulls up and the back door opens for them.

"Talk to ya later Tommy," Benrey says as he gets into the van first.

Gordon says his goodbyes to Tommy too and gets in as the door slides shut he can hear Tommy's excited goodbyes.

Now he's alone in the van... with Benrey.


	2. Domestic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few days of domestic bliss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank the Discord servers I'm in for the feedback and inspiration
> 
> Un'Beta'd

Benrey doesn't look at Gordon as the van drives down the pitch-black desert road away from the Black Mesa facility. It feels weird leaving Black Mesa after– Benrey isn't sure anymore; It's been years at least.

Benrey sneaks glances at Gordon; his eyes look tired but his body is rigid and alert. 

Gordon sighs and looks at Benrey. "Listen, I'm so tired and I still can't even wrap my head around everything that happened so let's just set some ground rules," he says. He lifts his right hand and began counting. "First, clean up after yourself. Second, don't be loud. Third, Joshua visits often. You don't have to spend time with him but be nice; also he probably won't talk to you, it's not personal. Fou– are you listening?"

Benrey chooses to just stare at Gordon before giving a half-hearted agreement. It worked to make Gordon throw up his hands in frustration. "I got it. Be clean, not loud, and you got a kid," Benrey says.

He cringes at the harsh way he brings up Gordon's son, it's just a stupid gut reaction but Gordon doesn't seem to hear it; he just nods and goes quiet once more. Benrey turns back to his window but is really watching Gordon from the reflection.

It's past midnight when the van pulls up to an apartment building, it isn't very big and the streets need a good cleaning but it was still a better sight than Black Mesa.

Gordon takes the lead heading towards the building without a word. Benrey has to follow quickly to match his huge steps; something Benrey never thought about while in the experiment, where he was closer in height.

They go up two flights of stairs before Gordon steps out of the stairwell. Benrey bumps into him from behind at the sudden stop. "Watch it, bro."

Gordon only rolls his eyes while unlocking the front door. Benrey wasn't sure what he expected from Gordon's place but it definitely wasn't the mess that he finds himself staring at.

"You live like this, dude?" Benrey chuckles.

"Shut up," Gordon says; he walks to the center of his living room. "The bathroom and my room are though there, the door on the left is Joshua's room. Kitchen is obviously right there," he points to the open kitchen next to him.

"This place is so cringe, bro," Benrey teases.

"You know what! I'm going to bed, don't fuck with anything," Gordon says rubbing his face as he exits the room leaving Benrey still standing by the front door. 

Benrey stands there awkwardly for a moment longer before settling down on the couch. It's dark leather; even with the leather itself worn away in many places it's still nearly freezing to the touch. Benrey shrugs to himself and thinks; at least it's better than the beds at Black Mesa, if not by much. Gordon has a single ugly ass throw pillow, it's hard and itchy but Benrey lays down anyway and tries to get some sleep wrapped up in his sweater.

He knows it's been a while since he laid down but it's still dark when something wakes him.

He opens an eye to try and see what was happening. He sees the looming shadow of Gordon but doesn't move, closes his eyes again, and just waits to see what he'll do. He can't help a shiver running through his body, and he's sure Gordon saw it.

"Shit–" Benrey hears Gordon swear and then the sounds of retreating footsteps.

Benrey relaxes slightly but he isn't sure what he did this time to piss off Feetman this time. He tries to go back to sleep until the footsteps return; something warm is placed on him.

"Sorry, Benrey," Gordon whispers, then leaves again for good.

Benrey takes the blanket close and wraps the warmth around him tighter.

It smells like Gordon, the real Gordon. Not some trick of the mind or the stale clinical soap from Black Mesa. Benrey doesn't have much of an idea on how to describe smells but it reminds him of something familiar. He falls back to sleep wrapped in the warm smell.

The sun wakes Benrey first; he's also warm, that was a new thing for him. His bladder gets the better of him and he finally pulls himself out of the cacoon he made. The apartment was so small it doesn't take long for Benrey to find the bathroom; which he admits he should have listened better the night before.

Once he finishes up and even takes a shower Benrey wonders over to the little kitchenette area. The counters are covered in take out containers, and they were beginning to turn. How long had they taken Gordon? He thought to himself.

Benrey cleans up a little then makes some eggs because it seems to be all Gordon had before he left for work that day.

Benrey can hear him getting out of bed but he kept his back to the room until Gordon approached him. "Huh, you cleaned up," he says.

"Some of us aren't animals, Feetman."

"I hate you," Gordon says; there no malice to it anymore, not like before.

"Here," Benrey hands him a plate of scrambled eggs. 

Which, Benrey would hate to ever admit he nearly drops once he actually looks at Gordon. His hair is down and curls around his face in a rats nest of hairdo, but he looks more relaxed than Benrey had ever seen him, and he wouldn’t deny he was staring a lot at his chest and soft stomach. "The toast should pop in a minute," he says turning back to the stove to plate his own food blushing red.

"Thanks," Gordon says not catching the little battle going on in Benrey’s mind.

The toast pops and they sit down at the little table some people would call a dining table.

"Um, so–," Gordon starts playing with his fork. "Sorry, about not grabbing you a blanket. Last night. I was just so tired, it didn't even cross my mind."

Benrey shrugs, "it's whatever," he says.

Gordon looks to want to say more but a loud ringing splits the tension. He goes up to answer it; one look at the caller ID though and he takes the phone to the hall.

Benrey isn't below eavesdropping so he leans towards the archway separating the areas.

"I'm fine!" Pause, "G– Grace, I said I'm okay," Gordon tried again but is obviously cut off by whoever this Grace was. "It's a lo– long story, but I'm okay."

Benrey tries to listen harder but can only lean so far before losing balance.

"No!" He shouts. "It was work-related, but um I do have a guest now."

Now he really has Benrey's attention.

"It's not like that, he's just someone from work that needed a place to crash," Gordon can be heard as he starts pacing. "Yeah, I trust him?" He says like it's a question to answer a question.

The pause this time is longer and Benrey can't hear a thing from the caller, who he's now suspecting is Gordon's ex.

"I can take Joshua this weekend! Besides I'm not going anywhere for a while," he says and pauses. "Not fired, just on leave."

Gordon stops moving and Benrey can hear him chuckle, "Alright, I'll see you Friday."

When he enters the room again Benrey nearly doesn't have enough time to right himself before being caught listening in.

"Um, so that was my ex. Apparently I've been missing all weekend, she was freaking out," he says.

"I coulda told you that," Benrey says.

"I wish they had given me some kind of story, I hate worrying her like that," he says sitting back down. "Joshua is coming to stay for the weekend. Grace is a little iffy about having a stranger in the same house as him, but I feel like I can... trust you."

"Painful to admit, eh?" Benrey jokes.

Gordon doesn't fight him and just snorts out a laugh. "Yeah," Gordon says but his eyes betray a fondness; or at least Benrey was hoping they did.

“Grace and Gordon, sounds confusing,” Benrey blurts out.

Gordon laughs, “back in high school everyone thought it was so cute. They’d call us G and G, we became almost like a single person,” Gordon says.

“What happened?”

Gordon sighs dropping his head, he looks conflicted to answer but just says “It’s complicated and just didn’t work out. So let’s drop it.”

Few awkward seconds later, "so...you have Play Station?"

"I have a PS2," he laughs.

"I guess it'll have to do," Benrey gets up and goes to the TV and fiddles with it and the console for a bit. Once he's done and the system turns on he's back to the couch with the controller. "Where’re your games, bro?"

Gordon stands and goes to a small cabinet door in the entertainment center, "they're all here, please put them back when you're done," he says.

Benrey takes out a copy of Bully and starts playing.

Gordon cleans up breakfast then leaves the room for a bit, coming back dressed in sweat pants and an MIT sweater. "I usually go for a jog every morning, I'll be back in a bit."

Benrey keeps his face glued to the TV; Gordon sighs believing Benrey isn't paying any attention before leaving, but his eyes follow Gordon out the door.

Alone in the apartment Benrey isn't sure what to do so he just goes back to the game, the opening cutscene ending catches his attention. He gets really into it and he ends up playing until the front door opening distracts him from the TV.

Gordon comes in soaked in sweat with his sweater around his waist showing off the tank top he had on underneath. He doesn't notice Benrey watching kick off his shoes and take out his headphones.

He freezes when their eyes meet, "Uh," Gordon says.

"You look shit, man," Benrey blurts out.

Idiot, he thinks.

"Fuck off," Gordon growls and heads to the bathroom.

Benrey sinks into the couch, he really needs to watch his mouth more. Though thinking about the alternative to what he could have said helps make him feel better.

Benrey plays through Gordon's shower and doesn't flinch when he sits on the couch beside him and takes out a book. Benrey didn't bother to look at the title he just kept his eyes forward catching glances at Gordon every once in a while.

It was nice just being able to sit with Gordon, but the silence was getting to him. "Should I cut my hair?" Benrey asks.

"That's a little random, do you want to cut your hair?"

Benrey shrugs, "Don't know." 

He watches as Gordon hides deeper in his book, "well, if it means anything. I– I think it...works on you."

Benrey has a shit-eating grin now, Gordon looks at him for a second but hides again while turning red. "Oh really?"

"Don't read into it! You just asked me something and I answered it. Do whatever," he says. "Though maybe try brushing it more."

Benrey sticks his tongue out but goes back to his game.

The next couple of days settles down to a routine; Benrey spends most of the day playing whatever he could, and help keep the apartment clean; because Gordon is actually a huge mess of a human being.

They're having dinner one night when Gordon looks at him intensely, "So, I've been thinking," he says.

"Careful to not overheat," Benrey jokes.

"Ignoring that. I've just been thinking about what happened, I don't understand anything. Like why."

Benrey shrugs and finishes his bite of food. "I don't know, G-Man just like fucking with people, I guess."

"Did you know?"

"I know a lot of things, dude."

"I mean did you know it was a game, did you know that I thought I was in a life or death situation!" He yells.

Benrey doesn't give away his nerves, but he does freeze for a split second. "I thought you knew what you were getting into, they usually did."

"How often did you do that?" Gordon's tone is cold and Benrey knows he's on thin ice.

"I don't know, a lot? It was just a job, man," Benrey says but thinks to add. "Honestly it was all kind of weird, just ask Tommy."

"Fine," Gordon leaves it at that.

When Gordon says he's going out for the day, Benrey acts indifferent but he is tired of being in the apartment all day alone.

"You want to come along, Benrey?" Gordon asks.

Hearing his name coming from Gordon throws him through a loop, but he keeps the excitement down. "Sure," he shrugs.

They go to a few random places ending in at a clothing store.

"You should get something new, I noticed you only have like three shirts," Gordon says.

"Whatta you doing watching me," Benrey says with a grin.

"I wasn't watching you! It's just hard no to notice," he blushes.

Benrey ends up picking up a couple of novelty graphic T-shirts and some new sweat pants. He isn't going to admit to Gordon that he isn't even sure he has the money to pay for it, but it doesn't matter because Gordon takes the lot and pays for everything.

"Thanks," Benrey says.

They stop for lunch at a little diner on their way back to Gordon's apartment; it felt really good to sit and chat with Gordon, Berney being on his best behavior while in public probably helped.

The night before Joshua's visit Gordon went through the house cleaning everything, even though it was tidier than it probably has ever been.

"So like you always like this?" Benrey teases him from the couch.

"I just have to make sure there isn't anything for him to get into," Gordon says.

"Thought you just put 'em in a pen," Benrey says.

"W– What no! You can't just put a child in a pen. He's not a pet!"

"Whatever," Benrey says.

"Besides he's active and would lose it if he had to stay in one area," Gordon says while finishing up whatever he was doing in the kitchen.

Benrey gives a short laugh in response. He's not at all surprised Gordon's kid is full of energy.

Gordon joined him on the couch, "want to play something together?" He asks. 

Benrey keeps his cool but nearly flings himself out of the couch to choose a game for them to play together.

Gordon sits close to Benrey, enough for him to feel the warmth radiating off of him. It was nice, he relaxes until they touch; Gordon doesn't move and they just play video games sitting side to side.


	3. Joshua

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joshua's visiting for the weekend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Un'beta'd

Gordon is surrounded by darkness and all he can hear is ringing in his ear. He wants to grasp his arm in pain but he's frozen in place. From the shadows a puddle grows; when it touches Gordon's foot he can see it's not water, it's too thick and smells sickly of copper. The shadows pull away revealing bodies laying in the puddle. Gordon tries to move to save his friends, but suddenly a hand-shaped shadow comes from behind him blacking everything out.

Gordon jolts awake; choking down the heart in his throat as his nightmare blurred away to nothing leaving his nearly gasping for air. Luckily no sound accompanies it which could wake Benrey in the other room. Gordon sighs and falls with a thud onto his pillow, the last thing I need is Benrey's mockery.

It hits him like a brick he isn't sure what time it is; he turns to his alarm and springs from the bed when he sees it's past noon.

Gordon wasn't a stranger to dressing in a panic but he was still strung out from his dreams; that he can't even remember, he thinks to himself. Gordon grabs his clothes and gets mostly dressed before thinking about Benrey. Shit.

Gordon rushes from his room half-dressed and desperately trying to get his hair into a ponytail. "Benrey, I need you to listen to me, man."

Benrey doesn't look away from the TV screen. "Huh, what."

Gordon stops in his tracks and stares Benrey down. "Benrey, look me in the damn eyes," he says.

"Don't want to," Benrey mumbles.

"Fine, just look at me," Gordon says.

"I'ma look at ya mouth," Benrey finally looks over with that grin of his.

"Ugh!" He resists pulling out his hair. "Joshua will be here soon so be on your fucking best behavior."

A pause. "Yeah– whatever," Benrey says finally.

Gordon takes what he can get and returns to getting himself ready.

Grace arrives a bit later and Gordon goes out alone. Grace pulls Gordon into a hug that nearly crushes him. "I was so worried about you!" She gives him a slight punch on the arm then goes to let Joshua out.

"Sorry, it wasn't on purpose. A work thing came up. I– uh basically slept there, and there wasn't any service."

"You're still a jerk!" Grace yells back.

Joshua runs to Gordon as soon as his feet touched the ground, Gordon gives a little oof at the impact on his hugging his leg.

"Hey buddy, I miss you too."

Joshua wants up so Gordon picks him up holding him on his hip. He took Joshua's bag of clothes with his free hand.

Grace looks up to the apartment building. "So that the guest of yours?"

Gordon looks over too and sees Benrey in the window. "Oh, God. Yeah, that's him."

"He's totally your type," she says.

Gordon's mouth went through several different thoughts before landing on the classic, "is not!"

Grace raises an eyebrow and snorts a little, well aware Gordon is lying. "Yeah, okay." Grace kisses Joshua's face "Any way have fun my wishy-washy Joshy."

She pulls away and they wave as the car drives off. Joshua starts trying to wiggle out of Gordon's arms so he lets him down and he lets Joshua take lead.

Inside Benrey is just looking at the TV acting like he wasn't just caught watching from the window. Joshua freezes when he sees Benrey, Gordon puts a hand on his shoulder then kneels down to his eye level.

"Joshua this is daddy's friend Benrey," Gordon says.

Benrey sits up and waves at Joshua, it makes Joshua cling to Gordon. Benrey lowers his hand, Gordon would almost say he looks dejected.

"How about you and I go put your bag away," Gordon says.

Joshua nods and they go into his room, Gordon puts his clothes into the dresser. He sees at the bottom is a Switch and it's accessories. "Did mom get you this?" Gordon holds the Switch out to Joshua."

He's nods and claps excitedly. Gordon thinks this can work as a bonding thing between Joshua and Benrey. At least it will probably make him a little more comfortable.

"I don't know how to hook this up," he lies. "But I bet Benrey does!"

Joshua looks conflicted but nods and takes the Switch while Gordon grabs the rest. Benrey is in the kitchen making food, it smelt like pizza rolls.

"Hey Benrey when your done can you help me set this up," then for dramatic show. "I just can't figure it out and poor Joshua is dying of boredom." Gordon finishes it with a poorly acted woe is me voice.

"Okay, you nerd."

Benrey sets up the Switch as Joshua watches him. Gordon can tell he's already passed afraid and is now fascinated by Benrey. When Benrey was all set he gave the joy-cons to Joshua but he gave one back.

"He wants you to play with him," Gordon says.

Benrey smiles and takes the joy-con from Joshua, they sit down and start playing.

While he was occupied Gordon finished the pizza rolls and planning for activities to do. He didn't want Joshua spending all weekend playing video games. He gets out some supplies to do art after dinner, it helps Joshua calm down after a big day.

While they ate Joshua doesn't take his eyes off of the Switch. "It's going to be nice tomorrow, Joshua want do you want to do outside?"

Joshua puffs his cheeks and blows out, with it a lot of spit. "Gross buddy, but yes we can do bubbles."

After the dishes were cleaned up Gordon got the supplies. His plan doesn't work like he thinks it would and Joshua ends up covered in glue. "What am I going to do with you," he says.

Gordon gives Joshua a bath then puts him to bed. He watches Joshua's eyes close slowly as he fought to stay up longer. Gordon chuckles and kisses his forehead once more before Joshua is settled. He turns off the light and leaves the door open a crack to let the hall light flood in a little.

In the living room Benrey is playing the PS2 again. Gordon sits with him and lets out a sigh.

"Want to play Smash together?" Gordon asks.

Benrey gets that light in his eye and changes console. They played for a while. It was nice, Benrey would try and fuck with Gordon but he'd just do it right back.

"Joshua isn't a baby," Benrey says.

"Glad you noticed?"

"The picture was of a baby," he says.

"It was an older photo, huh. I wonder who found it, I'm not really on social media."

Benrey just shrugs. It was pretty late when Gordon finally forces himself to stop and go to bed.

Gordon was so tired he didn't even have a nightmare that night, though waking up still came with a heart attack when Joshua jumps into the bed excited for the day.

After a quick breakfast and Gordon preparing lunch he takes Joshua outside to the back of the apartment building. It's not much of a yard but it's far from the parking lot and had grass for him to play in. Joshua doesn't really get how bubbles are made so Gordon is on blowing duty so Joshua can just chase after them without the frustration.

Gordon gets an exceptionally large bubble he stopped Joshua to watch it float away. The huge bubble lift into the wind and it draws Gordon's eye towards his building and right to his back window. Benrey's in the window following the bubble unaware that Gordon is watching him now.

He has an odd feeling deep in the back of his mind but he can't place it; he's been feeling it more often when he looks at Benrey during quiet moments. 

When the bubble pops Benrey can look away but then his eyes meet Gordon's, Gordon goes red while Benrey looks to have flung himself to the floor

"Come down Benrey!" Gordon shouts up to him.

Benrey looks over the ledge like a cat caught doing something bad; then he opens the window. "Okay!" He practically screeches back before disappearing again.

Joshua is even happier having his new buddy Benrey playing too, he claps his hands together and screeches. Gordon smiles at his son's excitement. Benrey takes a moment before coming out. They continue blowing bubbles until Joshua get tired, it's just about time for lunch for Gordon asks Benrey to watch him while he gets the sandwiches.

Benrey looks a little nervous but agrees anyway. Gordon is quick to get everything before poor Benrey is overwhelmed. But he doesn't need to be when he comes back out and sees Benrey sitting on the ground with Joshua in his lap and they're pulling grass from the ground. Joshua took his hand fulls and drops them in Benrey's lap too.

They stay out until the temperature drops. Benrey and Joshua go straight for the Switch and Gordon orders pizza for dinner. He watches them play and it feels so natural, seeing his son bouncing and babbling to Benrey. Gordon remembers when Benrey would make childish noises and mocking sounds, doesn't surprise him that he is decent with kids.

The pizza arrives and they eat in the living room watching a movie. Gordon isn't sure what it is honestly, some animated thing Benrey found for kids.

Gordon went to put Joshua to bed but he was still too awake, he ran from his room to Gordon's then tree himself onto the bed.

Joshua lands in the thick comforter in a fit of giggles. Once he's gathered himself Joshua leaps from the bed and out the door again. "Joshua, get back here you!" Gordon says catching his breath. 

He doesn't get far when he hears more laugher and Benrey's voice. Joshua returns practically dragging Benrey along, Benrey himself looks to be about to fall over trying to bend over enough for Joshua to even reach his hand. When Joshua stops Benrey barely can too.

Joshua looks at Benrey and raised his arms high into the air making grabbing motions towards Benrey's arms.

Gordon chuckles, "he wants you to lift him. You don't have to just say no, he's learning boundaries."

Benrey looks down at Joshua then up almost nervously towards Gordon. "Okay, umm"

"Don't worry, man," Gordon says still smiling.

Benrey just nods and finally picks Joshua up; he makes a comedically dramatic show out of lifting him, like Joshua weighed a ton and wasn't light as a feather.

Benrey still looks totally out of his element but as he moves back and forth making Joshua laugh Gordon feels a warmth growing in him.

Joshua began to wiggle more, throwing himself nearly out of Benrey's arms. 

"Joshua," Gordon says firmly but without any force. "He likes to be flung into beds and he–" Gordon is cut off by Benrey grinning from ear to ear.

"Can I yeet the child."

Gordon bursts out laughing; his eyes tear up and he knows his face has to be red. "Yeah, just like super carefully," he can finally breathe out.

Benrey comes closer to the bed then just holds Joshua out horizontally over the bed gently letting him go, Joshua screeched in delight as he landed softly.

And once the can of worms had been opened Joshua had Benrey dropping in for over ten minutes. Finally Joshua seemed to have gotten out of his system as he yawns.

"Looks like someone's ready for bed," Gordon whispers and scoops Joshua up.

Joshua grabs Benrey as they walk near him and he just lets Joshua drag him around some more.

Benrey just watches Gordon go through the nightly routine of putting Joshua to bed. When Joshua is asleep they leave quietly.

"He's pretty cool, for a kid," Benrey says.

"Thanks, I guess?"

Gordon sits and turns the TV on to see if he can catch a horror movie. Benrey joins him.

"He is really great and I don't regret him being born. I just sometimes wish it was better circumstances though." Gordon sighs. "I mean it's not like the worst, but we weren't in the best place."

Benrey doesn't say anything just listens to Gordon. "Grace and I loved each other but as time went on it was never the same. Honestly, at some point we’re only still going was because of other people's expectations."

"That sucks, man," Benrey says.

"Yeah– we were young and stupid thinking a baby could save our marriage but it was just a seriously bad idea." Gordon stops talking for a moment. "It was stupid because I–" he sighs.

"Mhm," Benrey says hums but doesn't say anything.

"Well... because I'm gay and I'm pretty sure asexual."

"Oh," is all Benrey says. "I get that, I mean I'm gay too."

Gordon looks at him wide-eyed and isn't sure what to do with that information. "Thanks for telling me."

"You started it, but I'm– glad you felt like you could talk to me."

After they leave it and just watch whatever movie Gordon finds. It's pretty late when Gordon goes to bed.

Something feels wrong, Gordon's mind is hazy and everything around his looks familiar but vague. Suddenly he feels himself falling deep into filthy water. Inside he comes face to face with a monstrous Benrey. His jaw split showing rows of razor-sharp teeth, he's screaming. Gordon is terrified but something else in him hurts; he wants to do anything for Benrey in that moment but before he can even open his mouth a bright light banishes Benrey.

Gordon wakes up almost screaming out Benrey's name but covers his mouth hard with his hands to muffle it. Gordon looks around the room, it was morning but Joshua hadn't woken him up. Gordon was sweating, but he needed to know where Joshua was before he can take a shower.

The first thing he hears is someone singing, though Gordon wouldn't really call just making different ah noises singing. But it reminds Gordon of the Black Mesa Sweet Voice, he's now wondering if that was always a Benrey thing.

Joshua notices Gordon first and doesn't wait to make it known, Benrey jumps and looks at Gordon.

He clears his throat, "what are you looking at need," he says.

Gordon just smiles at him, "whatever softy. I'm going to take a shower, you okay with him?"

"Pfft, he's still alive ain't he."

Gordon shakes his head and goes take his shower.

He came out and the two are already eating pancakes that Benrey had made. Gordon gets a couple for himself and joins them. "I'm going to take Joshua out for some errands today," he says.

Benrey seems a little deflated when Gordon says it, but Joshua is bouncing happily unaware.

"I was thinking of going to see Tommy, haven't gotten a chance to talk much," Benrey says; he doesn't look at Gordon and it makes him feel bad.

Gordon gets Joshua ready to head out and thinks about inviting Benrey, but he's also getting ready so Gordon assumes he actually has plans.

"We'll probably be back in a few hours, we're going to stop for lunch" he says.

"Okay," is all the reply he gets.

"I was thinking we can do subs for dinner, the place down the road is amazing. It's probably time you have it," Gordon jokes.

"Sounds good," he says.

Gordon and Joshua leave the apartment and start on their day of errands. He didn't have a long list but it still took him as much time as he'd guessed. One-stop he hadn't planned was at a local used game store. Something pulled him over to the old PS3s and PS4s. He knows it's stupid and even used still kind of expensive, but he tells himself that it was just an upgrade and totally isn't going to be a gift specifically for Benrey. He gets the PS4 and a few cheap used games to go with it and leaves.

When they get home Benrey is already back. Gordon almost swears he never left, but is quickly distracted by Joshua grabbing for the PS4 box. Gordon kneels down and whispers into Joshua's ear to take the games he has that.

Joshua takes the games and sprints over to Benrey tossing them on him without any grace, the sound Benrey makes tell Gordon he got him right in the junk.

"These are sweet little dude, but ah–"

"We don't have the console?" Gordon holds out the PS4 box to show Benrey.

Benrey's mouth hangs open and he just stares at Gordon. Gordon hands it to him and makes him takes it. Benrey gives a quiet thank you and is pulled to the TV by Joshua.

"I'm going to order the subs, what do you want?"

"Steak bomb," Benrey shouts from the other side of the room.

Gordon orders their food and has it delivered to the apartment. They eat and all take turns on the PlayStation then ends up playing Switch together until Joshua was asleep between them.

Gordon puts him to bed, Benrey turns the PlayStation back on and has a game already started up. Gordon is about to go sit down but a huge yawn stops him and he decides to go to bed. 

"I'm going to bed, don't stay up all night," he says.

"Ah, okay," he says sounding almost disappointed.

Gordon would have stayed but he can feel himself about to yawn again so he just goes to bed.

In the morning they all have cereal for breakfast as they wait for Grace to arrive. When she does Joshua makes Benrey come out with them.

Grace seems surprised to see Benrey but give a friendly smile.

"So you're mister mysterious," she says.

"I'm an open book, old Feetman just can't read," he says

Grace bursts out laughing and looks at Gordon, "Feetman?"

"Please don't," Gordon groans.

Joshua gives Benrey a long leg squeezing hug and starts to tear up a little. "It's okay little dude, I'll see you next time."

Joshua tightens his gripe a little more before letting go and taking Grace's hand to the car.

The two men wave goodbye as the car leaves. Benrey's words to Joshua start to sink in.

Benrey will be here until next time.


	4. Calm

No one has ever called Benrey preceptive but he can tell something has crawled up Gordon's ass and died recently.

_Slam_

Benrey flinches as Gordon throws shut another cabinet. Neither has been sleeping lately. When Joshua was staying over Gordon kept the hall light on and it was annoying then it didn't end after. Sometimes Benrey would shut it off and then be woken up not long after by Gordon turning it back on. After a few nights of it, Benrey stops trying; it's Gordon's home and he can't really start complaining.

Something clatters to the floor and Benrey can hear Gordon swear under his breath. "You're a clumsy boy aren't ya," Benrey jokes.

"Shut the fuck up, Benrey!" He yells, Benrey isn't looking at him but he can hear the snarl.

Benrey flinches "I–I," he is cut off by another cabinet slamming.

Benrey sends Tommy a text to hang out and pulls up directions. At some point, Gordon had calmed down apparently finding what he needed. Benrey quietly turns off the console; he gets ready trying to not bring Gordon's attention to him.

With his hand on the door he hears "W– where are you going?"

Benrey looks at him, really stops, and looks. Gordon looks wide-eyed and strung out. It almost makes Benrey want to invite him out but he was still a little sore. "Tommy asked if I wanted to meet up. I'll be ho– back later," he says.

"Okay, I'll wait to make dinner. Tell him I said hey," he says.

Benrey nods as he leaves the apartment.

Benrey walks to a dog park between Gordon's apartment and Tommy's. The whole time he walks he can't stop thinking about Gordon. He feels like that's all he thinks about anymore; Gordon, Gordon, Gordon. He starts shaking his head and hums to himself, he doesn't pay any mind to people passing him.

It doesn't take him long to get to the park once he starts speed walking hoping it clears his mind before seeing Tommy. He sees the man in question standing in the middle of the park surrounded by dogs. Benrey smiles as he goes to save the day, he parts the sea of fur and makes it to his friend.

"Benrey!" He smiles as he tries to push them off. "I've made a mistake."

"Stop giving the other dogs treats then this wouldn't happen," Benrey says pulling Tommy out by the arm.

He takes the treats and throws them around making the dogs scatter including Sunkist.

"Ha, he chose the food." Benrey laughs. Tommy shoots him a smile and a roll of the eyes.

They go over to a bench and take a seat together. Sunkist follows when they get too far for his liking. He lays his head on Tommy's lap so he could pet him while they talked.

"So what's happened?" Tommy asks.

"Gordon's being a real cringelord lately! Everything was going fine, he bought a PS4, like specifically for me!" He throws his hands up. "Now he's been up my ass for the last few days about everything."

"Have you talked to him," Tommy asks as if he doesn't already know.

Benrey huffs and brings his arms to cross his chest, he starts humming again. "I just want to know if he likes me!"

"I'm sure he does, but–" Tommy stops to pet Sunkist. "What my dad did to him was pretty fucked up."

"And I didn't help..." Benrey says.

"That's not true!" Tommy looks at him with a very serious look.

Benrey kicks up some dirt, thinking. "Everyone fucked with him but I had the control, I could have done more."

"You really didn't Benrey, my dad had all the control. He told me about needing to steer you back on script a few times." Tommy puts a hand on Benrey's for his attention. "You're not a _bad guy_ , Benrey no matter how often you had to act as one," Tommy says.

Benrey snorts, "fucking deep, man."

"It's true!" Then at Sunkist, "right?"

Sunkist boofed and licked Benrey's hand. Benrey pets his head. "Thanks, dawg."

"Just give him time and some space. I think he likes you," Tommy says.

Benrey blushes, he can feel Tommy beaming at him. "Don't look at me like that, you giant need." He jokes.

"Just don't give up hope or be angry with Mr. Freeman," Tommy says.

"I'm not mad at him or blame him for feeling the way he does, I just–" he sighs, "whatever it doesn't matter."

Benrey changes the subject slightly and tells Tommy about Joshua. "He's a cool little dude for having Feetman as a dad."

Times flies and Tommy has to get home to feed Sunkist dinner. Benrey stays after Tommy leaves. He shivers but isn't dissuaded by cold having been used to it before. He wants to fix whatever is wrong but he's never been good at it, especially not with his words. He doesn't leave until it's dark out. He almost thinks about sleeping on the bench but when he finally reaches for his phone he sees the several missed calls and texts all from Gordon. He gets up and heads back to Gordon's place.

When he returns the apartment is dark except for the glow of the TV. Gordon was playing something, he doesn't move when Benrey sits beside him. He still can't find his words so he doesn't say anything.

Until Gordon dies in the game. "Top ten worse anime betrayal," he blurts out.

Gordon fights a smile before bursting out in a full-body laugh. "That barely makes sense, man."

When he stops Benrey nervously asks, "You okay, bro?"

"Yeah, yeah. Been feeling a little cooped up," He sighs. "I'm sorry about this morning, just– tired."

"It's fine," Benrey lies.

"So how was Tommy?"

"Got ate by the dogs at the park, rip man," Benrey says. He clears his throat when Gordon only cocks an eyebrow at him. "He's fine, Sunkist is fine too."

"Good to hear," Gordon says.

That night Gordon goes to bed early leaving the hall light on again. Benrey tries to get to sleep but the light distracts him too much. He gets up to turn it back off, as he passes Gordon's door he hears the violent thrashing of his blanket. Benrey turns red automatically going straight to the gutter but a scream shatters the thought.

He slowly creeps into the room, Gordon has thrown off his blanket and is breathing heavily his face scrunched in pain, it's the only way Benrey could describe it. He isn't sure waking him would be the best idea, but when he shouts again it makes up his mind for him.

He carefully places a hand on Gordon's shoulder to rock him awake. Gordon tensed before relaxing under his touch. Benrey can't move for a minute, the muscle flexes under his hand and he blushes at the warm skin. He's not used to touching others; he has to remove his hand like it's on fire, he can't be touching Gordon in his sleep, he just has to wake him.

He tries again but Gordon doesn't actually wake up. He decides to just let him sleep through what he's sure is a nightmare. When he removes his hand again to leave Gordon reaches out catching his arm in a death grip.

Benrey tries to pry his hand off but can't "What are you part octopus," he says.

He decides if he can't get away then he's getting some sleep. He pushes Gordon over; which doesn't wake him up either and lays beside him. Only letting their hands touch, and even then just barely. Gordon settles but still scrunches his face up every once in a while.

"I'm sorry, for everything. I– I could have done more," he whispers more to himself than to Gordon's sleeping form; he feels his eyelids droop and he falls asleep soon after.

_He doesn't feel it when Gordon stirs again._


	5. Talking

Gordon wakes up under something heavy and warm, but not uncomfortable. He doesn't open his eyes just yet; he remembers seeing Benrey and calling to him, him saying something... but he thought it was a dream. His dream became a reality as the weight shifts closer. Gordon's eyes snap open and he looks down at the mane of hair surrounding them both. Everything comes at him in full force; he flings himself from the bed, unlodging Benrey harshly enough to wake him.

"What the heck dude," he says in a sleepy dazy.

"I– I have to go jogging. It's late," Gordon says while getting dressed.

He knows it's a stupid lie but he's not ready to unpack anything that just happened, he's definitely not ready to admit it was the best sleep he's had in a while.

When he's done getting dressed Benrey had just gone back to sleep in Gordon's bed. He looks softer like he also got a good night's sleep. Gordon would even call him cute if it wasn't for the fact he was drooling on the pillow. Gordon sighs and leaves the room.

He begins at a light jog and heads down the road away from his apartment. _"I could have done more," what did Benrey mean by that_ Gordon thinks as he picks up pace. _Why did I let him in my bed, Gordon you idiot_ ; he starts running faster.

He runs as fast as he can and doesn't come back from his thoughts until he's God only knows how far away from home. Gordon looks around and is sort of aware of where he is. He remembers Coomer said something about where he was living. At this point, Gordon just needed someone to talk to. He takes out his phone and calls Coomer.

_Hello?_

"Hey, Dr. Coomer it's Gordon."

_Hello, Gordon! How are you?_

"Good, well okay. Um… I'm in the neighborhood, I think. Can I come by?"

_Of course, Gordon. You have my address, right?_

"Yeah I have it, I'll see you soon."

Gordon hangs up and opens up the map app on his phone. He wasn't far off from Coomer's retirement community. He walks the rest of the way there, his mind racing about everything he needed answers to.

He's been trying to push everything down and build a friendship, a relationship with Benrey but now he isn't sure he can really trust Benrey. 

Thinking about it he isn't sure he should trust any of them but they were on his side, _right?_

 _And Benrey wasn't_ , Gordon thinks.

He arrives at Coomer's condo, his mind still racing with doubt. He knocks on the door and waits. He can hear someone shouting something as they approach the door. Bubby swings the door open wide with a blank stare.

He is dressed more casually with a soft t-shirt and pants pulled up way too high.

"Hey, Bubby," Gordon says.

"Harold! Gordon's here," he yells over his shoulder into the house.

Coomer pops from around a corner smiling with a wave. "Hello, Gordon!"

He's also more casually dressed in an ankle-length jean skirt and a floral pattern button-up. 

"Hello, Dr. Coomer."

"You can call me Harold, Gordon. We're not at work."

"Ah– I'll split the difference and just call you Coomer."

Bubby ignoring them goes back inside, and Gordon follows him in assuming that's Bubby's way of inviting him in.

Coomer shows Gordon to the living room and offers him a seat and something to drink.

"I'll have some water, thanks," Gordon says.

Coomer returns with a cup of water for Gordon and two mugs of what smells like tea for Bubby and himself. Coomer gives Bubby a light kiss on his bald head as he is handed the mug. Bubby fakes a look of disgust but is hiding a blush with his mug.

"So what brings you to the neighborhood?" Coomer asks.

Gordon realizes he isn't sure where to start. He just didn't have anyone else to go to. "Honestly I'm not going to beat around the bush, I'm too tired. I haven't been sleeping well and just everything that happened still gnaws at my brain. And– and Benrey isn't helping! He's making it worse." Gordon has to take a breath.

"Can we help you in any way?" Coomer asks.

"Speak for yourself! Gordon don't listen to them. I do not care," Bubby says.

"Thanks, Bubby," he rubs his eyes. "I just can't help but feel betrayed, and then I started having nightmares. At first, they would be so vague I'd forget but they've only gotten worse."

"Well Gordon it's understandable, you went through a lot," Coomer says. "But Benrey wasn't the only one to betray you," adding with obvious regret.

"I would do it again!" Bubby says.

"Percival, you would not," Coomer scolds him.

Gordon snorts at their antics and also learning Bubby's first name is Percival. _He can't wait to tell Benrey,_ he thinks to himself.

"Yeah, but you tried to help. I remember all the weird shit you were saying, it made me feel something, towards the end."

"Well, yes. After you lost your arm I realized something was... off. But before that, I was just wrapped up in it all like the others. Maybe in the end, you too finally realized it wasn't real."

"Why did you guys do it?" Gordon asks.

"Because we had to," Bubby shrugs.

"Gordon I honestly don't know the whole ins and outs of the experiment. It was just one final hoorah for science. And I do love video games." Coomer smiles with pity in his eyes, "we were never told about your circumstances."

"What about Benrey?"

"I don't know, Gordon. I think you need to ask him about it," Coomer says.

_Gordon thinks about it, he doesn't feel any ill will towards the others. Coomer is genuinely hurt and tried to help when they could. Bubby is being a hard ass now but Gordon can see him grip his right arm while they were talking. Tommy is too hard to be mad at, hell he didn't even betray him in the first place. So it only left Benrey with the brunt of it._

Gordon hangs his head, "I should talk to Benrey," he says.

"Ya think?" Bubby says.

Gordon glares at Bubby but is interrupted by Coomer. "I think that's a wonderful idea, Gordon. Communication. is. key."

Gordon finishes his visit with the couple and takes a Lyft home. He didn't notice he spent most of the day out. Benrey probably slept for a few more hours before parking himself in front of the TV.

When Gordon arrives home he decides to sit Benrey down during dinner and ask him. He takes his coat off as he enters the apartment, he just tosses on the couch and sniffs the air. The apartment smells like pasta sauce and he can hear Benrey just a few yards away in the kitchen moving pots and pans.

"Hmm, that smells good," Gordon says wandering over to the kitchen.

Benrey was at the stove sweating slightly and stirring the pot of noodles.

"Oh shit, you're back. Get lost or something?" He says.

"I actually um… went to see Coomer and Bubby," Gordon said feeling a little awkward standing staring at Benrey. "You know Bubby's first name is Percival?"

Benrey laughs slightly, "what a cringe ass name," he says.

"Dude, your name is Benrey," Gordon jokes.

"Whatever, _Gordon Feetman_."

Gordon rolls his eyes and goes to the bathroom to shower and change. He is ready to just try and stay far as he can away from Benrey until it was the right time. He didn't want to get pre-riled up before getting to have that conversation with Benrey.

Dinner doesn't take long and Gordon is able to keep himself occupied checking e-mails and pretending to clean up his room.

When they finally sat down for dinner Gordon isn't hungry just nervous and ready to explode. He eats a little and lets Benrey eat most of his meal before clearing his throat for attention.

"So when I saw Coomer and Bubby today we talked about the whole betrayal thing–"

"You're mumblin' dude," Benrey says.

"I just want to know the truth about your part in it," Gordon says.

Benrey groans in annoyance, "why does it matter."

"I– it's important to me Benrey, I need to know. I can't stop thinking about it, the others couldn't help me but _you_ could have."

"That's not true," Benrey deflects.

"Bull fucking shit. I heard you last night, you admitted you could have done more."

Benrey has the decency to look ashamed, "I did try, okay. But I had a job to do. I had to be the bad guy," he says but his voice wavered slightly.

"I can't fucking believe you, it was torture to me. The others at least had the decency to try and help" Gordon tries to breathe but he can just barely keep tearing up. "You fucked with me, tried to **_kill_ ** me. _Because it was your job_ ." Gordon couldn’t stop his words as he began yelling louder. “You did nothing but antagonize me and make shit up to fuck with my head!" Gordon is pissed. "Like all that fucking– _bullshit_ about us being childhood friends. Real classy."

Gordon was ready for any type of fighting back to come from Benrey; except the ice-cold glare and dead silence or the tears in the corner of his eyes.

"You know what, fuck you," Benrey pushes himself violently from the table and practically runs for the door

"Ben–" before he could finish the door is slammed shut and everything goes quiet.

_God damn it, this isn't how this is meant to go._


	6. Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was going to be the last one but I lied

Gordon lays his head on the table and leaves it there so long he is sure he falls asleep there at the table surrounded by cold dinner. He even realizes then he'd been crying, he can feel the dried lines left from his tears.

He doesn't bother cleaning up just yet, retiring to his actual bed to sleep for a few more hours. He catches a quick glance at his alarm, it's after midnight.

_ Gordon can feel himself laying in the waters of Zen again, he can't see anything. The world around him rumbles and he can only wait as the water ripples and bubbles. When it stops he can just see at his side a waterfall of wet hair; it parts to show Benrey's face, he looks hollow and tired. On Gordon's other side is a skeleton riddled with bullet holes. The skeleton grabs his right arm and begins to rip it off. Gordon can't move or scream so he lays there. He looks to Benrey, his expression is unreadable but he is crying along with Gordon.  _

As the arm is ripped from his body Gordon jolts awake in his bed, instinctually he grabs for the arm. He falls back into bed rubbing the tears from his eyes.  _ Fuck,  _ he thinks. He wants to try and sleep one more time but he can see the sun peeking out from around his curtains so he just gives up.

He cleans up the dinner from last night first, he can't let it sit for much longer. When he turns back to the living room his eyes freeze on the pile of bedding Benrey had been using.

It hits Gordon at that moment Benrey had run off without a single thing of his. Gordon thinks back to that day at Black Mesa, Benrey had nowhere to go and now he was out there with even less.

He tried Coomer's number but was answered by voicemail.

_ "Hello, you've called the Coomer and Bubby house. Please leave a message!" _

"Hey, it's Gordon," he sighs. "Benrey and I got into a fight, he left everything. If you talk to him let me know, and I need Tommy's number. Uh, bye." He hangs up the phone.

His eyes trail over to the couch again, the pile there taunts him so he moves over all the bedding to the corner beside the couch to basically hide it. He couldn't bring himself to move it far though.

Gordon wants to go back to bed more than anything. He can't even stomach the idea of lunch so he takes his phone to his room and collapses back into bed.

He wakes up to his phone ringing, it was Coomer calling him back.

_ "Hello, Gordon." _

"Hey, Coomer," he croaks out. He clears his throat before trying again. "Hi."

_ "I'm sorry for what happened, is there anything I can do to help?" _

"Have you heard from him?"

_ "No, but I can give you Tommy's number." _

"Thanks," Gordon says.

Coomer gives Gordon the number and they make a little small talk.

_ "When you get ahold of him give me a call," Coomer says. _

"Okay, talk to you later," Gordon says then hangs up.

He calls Tommy right away, it rings a few times before he picks up.

_ "Hi, this is the Coolatta residence." _

"Hey, Tommy. It's Gordon," he says.

_ "Oh hi, Mr. Freeman! How are you?" He asks. _

"Benrey and I got into a fight and he ran out. He didn't take anything with him. Have you heard from him?"

_ "I haven't heard from him but I can find him." _

"I fucked up Tommy," Gordon tries to keep his voice from wavering.

_ "Mr. Freema–" _

Gordon chuckles, "please call me Gordon."

_ "Gordon, it will be okay," he says. _

"Sure, just let me know when you talk to him," Gordon says.

_ "I will, bye." _

Gordon hangs up, he puts his phone back down onto his end table. He refuses to go back to bed and goes to make himself something for dinner. There isn't much so he just has eggs and toast. It's nearly night again.

Gordon ends up repeating the same thing the next day; he sleeps most of the day or just lays about, he calls Coomer and Tommy again but gets the same thing as before.

He was going to spend the third day doing the exact same but pulled himself out of bed for a quick jog. He wouldn't lie to himself that he is hoping to find Benrey somewhere close. Though the thought of Benrey sleeping on a bench feels like a punch to the gut.

When he's home Gordon leaves his phone on the kitchen counter before taking a shower.

As he's leaving the bathroom; his phone rings, and it only has to ring once before Gordon dives for it. 

He will admit with plenty of shame that his shoulders drop in disappointment slightly when he sees it's just Grace calling. He answers it trying to not give away his current state of being.

"Hey, Grace," he says.

_ "You sound like shit, you okay?" _

Gordon sighs running a hand down his face,  _ he can't hide shit from her _ . "I've been better. You need something?"

_ "I was going to ask if Joshua could sleepover, he's been talking non-stop about your little friend." _

"I'd be happy to take him… but Benrey isn't here."

Grace hums,  _ "Well that explains why you sound like garbage. How about just a day visit. We can talk about your boy problems." _

"It would be nice to see you both," Gordon says.

_ "We can do dinner, I miss the Chinese food at that place down the road." _

They say their goodbyes and Gordon hangs up. He already feels a tiny bit better having something to look forward to. He pockets his phone, just in case.

Gordon cleans up the house but very mindfully doesn't touch the bedding in the corner.

He finds Benrey's cellphone under the couch and nearly becomes frantic knowing it's even harder to find Benrey now. He doesn't get up from the floor until he hears the doorbell ringing. Gordon gets up off the floor and goes out to greet Grace and Joshua.

"Hey, buddy!" Gordon scoops Joshua up making him giggle.

Gordon looks at Grace and they share a sad knowing smile. "Good to see you," he says. Gordon gives her a peck on the forehead and takes Joshua's bag from her.

"You too," she shivers. "Let's get inside, it's freezing."

Gordon takes in the temperature which he didn't notice right away.  _ It was getting colder _ .

"Gordon, honey?" Grace touches his arm.

Gordon realizes he's not moving and gripping Joshua a bit too tight. He hands him over to her. She puts Joshua on her hip, takes Gordon's hand in hers' and they go inside.

Back in the apartment she puts Joshua down and sits Gordon on the couch, she leaves and returns with a cup of water. He takes it and sips slowly, Joshua comes over for attention. He shows Gordon his Switch.

"I'll set it up on the TV for you," Gordon says with a smile. He isn't feeling better but he can compose himself enough for Joshua's sake.

"And I'm going to look through the menu," Grace says with a happy little clap of her hands.

She remembers where the take out menus were kept and goes over to the drawer where they're kept. Gordon set up everything for Joshua before joining her in the kitchen.

"I've never seen you like that before," Grace says but doesn't look up from the menu.

"That was new," he admits.

"We can talk about it later," she eyes Joshua on the couch.

Gordon looks at him too and nods, he doesn't want to start tearing open fresh wounds around Joshua.

"Oh, yeah!" Grace shouts and goes over to Joshua's bag. She takes out a brown paper bag. "I got wine," she says with a big smile.

Gordon smiles at her enthusiasm, "what happened to this being just a day thing?"

"You need me!" She says with a dramatic flair.

Gordon scoffs at her jokingly and goes back to picking food. She joins him once she sees his attention is elsewhere again.

They order a combo plate, and Joshua is set with a plate of dinonuggets with mac and cheese. They ate and played video games until Joshua was nearly out cold between them. Gordon takes him without a word and carries him gently to bed. He can hear Grace following him as he hums. He can just barely remember the tune Benrey had sung to him that one morning.

He tucks him into bed while still humming but now something he is making up on the spot. Grace watches him, obviously thinking about something. She walks past Gordon and gives Joshua a kiss on the head. Gordon leaves her to her goodnights.

He gets out the wine and fills two glasses while he waits for her to come back out. She comes back a moment later and takes her glass with a laugh; they take a seat on the couch together, each with their glass of wine nearing the top.

"So spill the beans," Grace says taking a sip.

And Gordon does; he tells her everything from his weekend-long disappearance to his feelings for Benrey and their fight a few nights ago.

Gordon finishes with, "there is just so much going on in my head, I don't know where to start feeling."

Grace thinks silently for a moment, Gordon recognizes it as her trying to find the right words to fix the situation look.

"Well let's get you organized a bit then," she gives a little clap as the idea springs from her. "What are your main issues with what Benrey did?"

"He had control over the situation and used it to fuck with me," he looks down into his glass. "I'm still not totally sure he didn't know about the whole let's experiment on Gordon without his knowledge either," he takes a sip.

"What makes him worse than the other?"

"I don't think–" he sighs. "I guess that's one of my problems, why can I forgive the others so easily and yet with Benrey…"

"You love him, and he disappointed you," she says.

"He betrayed me! He didn't care about me. To him it was just a job," Gordon knows his voice is rising so he takes a breath before continuing. "How can I forgive him for that?" He looks at Grace. "What do I do?"

"What do you want to happen?"

He doesn't have to think for even a second, "I want Benrey back, I want to forgive him."

"Okay, so. Find where he's been staying. Talk, and I mean actually talk. I know you, Gordon Freeman, we've had enough fights to know how you operate."

"I'm still sorry for all of that."

She laughs slightly, "listen, I'm not blaming you. We both sucked back then." She holds out her glass, "I think it made us better friends in the end."

"If you say so," he taps her glass in a little toast. "I'm not sure how I'll find him," Gordon says into his sip.

"He couldn't have gone far," she says.

Gordon thinks on it for a moment, "so what do you actually think of Benrey in the first place?"

"Hmm?" She drinks and thinks, "he's definitely not my type."

"Obviously," he says rolling his eyes.

"Joshie likes him, and you're very smitten with him."

Gordon cuts her off with a snorting laugh, "smitten?"

"Shut up," she pouts and nearly kicks him with her foot to punctuate her outburst.

They finish their drinks; Grace sways to Gordon's room and to bed, leaving Gordon alone to finish the bottle of wine. He feels a warmth stemming more from his conversation with Grace than from the buzz he had going on.

He flops onto the couch; beside him on the floor is the bedding, he feels heavy hearted again. He takes the pillow and blanket, he lays down with his face pressed to the pillow, with the blanket up to his face too he can smell Benrey everywhere. Even though everything Benrey had used belongs to Gordon the blanket still smells distinctively like Benrey. Gordon thinks about in the morning waking up surrounded by the same smell, he knows he wants to wake up to that again and again.

He wakes up to Joshua on him playing his video games like Gordon isn't there. Grace is singing in the kitchen making breakfast.

"Okay, off now buddy," Gordon says with a roar as he gets up. 

He doesn't actually wait for him to move, Joshua tumbles off in a fit of laugher.

"Good morning," Grace says.

He waves at her but heads straight to the bathroom and into the shower. He isn't in there long before Grace comes into the bathroom, it causes Gordon to yell out.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Seen it before. Your phone is ringing,"

Gordon scrambles out of the shower, he barely tries to dry his hands before grabbing the phone from her hand.

_ "Hi, Gordon," Tommy greets him happily. "Benrey made it here." _

"Is he okay, he left his phone and I started to panic," Gordon knows he's practically yelling into the phone at poor Tommy. "Can I come over, I need to see him."

_ "Oh, of course you can come by," Tommy looks at Benrey who is nodding. "How about in a couple of hours?" _

"Yeah, I can do that," Gordon sighs. "Does he even want to see me?" 

_ "Yes. See you soon, Gordon," Tommy says. _

Gordon is shaking again, Grace gives him a reassuring pat on the shoulder and leaves him to finish up.

"You can do it, big guy," she says.

She's right, he can do it. Gordon gets dressed and tries not to let his nerves get the better of him.

_ He can't leave the house fast enough when it's time. _


	7. Home

Benrey doesn't register regret until he's far from Gordon's apartment. He's getting looks for making bbbbb noises. He ends up back at the park where he met with Tommy. He doesn't go to the same bench as before but finds one deeper inside and out of the way.

Benrey feels all his energy drain the moment he sits down. He pulls himself into his hoodie when the wind picks up; he notices that it's not actually  _ his _ hoodie, it was too big for one. He looks down at the large MIT printed on it. Benrey finally cries, he knew he fucked up again.

He lays down and falls asleep quickly. Benrey doesn't get a lot of sleep, always having an eye open for anyone who'd call the cops on him. The sun is just barely out when the first dog arrives at the park and immediately finds him, it wakes him up with a lick of his face. The owner isn't far behind to chastise the dog, making it leave him.

Benrey sits up rubbing his face harshly, he starts bbbing again but stops after a moment. The dog and owner have moved on, Benrey is at least partially thankful she didn't make a fuss. That would have been a huge pain in the ass.

The wind picked up but Benrey isn't sure what he could do now. He feels around his pockets finding his cellphone isn't there.  _ Shit.  _ Now he has even fewer options. One of the options he saw was sticking around hoping Tommy came by again, the other was going back to Gordon's but that seemed less likely.

Sitting around becomes a less appealing option when his stomach growls, plus more people have begun to arrive. None of them notice Benrey though. He ends up sitting there all day without incident. Benrey is about to fall asleep when a familiar face runs up to him.

"Oh shit, hey Sunkist," he says while getting his face lick by the excited dog.

Tommy walks over to him with a confused look. "Benrey?"

"Hey," Benrey can't help but sound as tired as he feels.

Tommy sits beside him, "what are you doing here?"

"I fucked up again and Gordon hates me, so I ran."

"Did you sleep here?" He whispers but doesn't hide his shock.

"Yeeeah," Benrey doesn't look at Tommy.

He can hear him sigh, "I don't think Mr. Freeman hates you." He puts a hand on Benrey's shoulder to get his attention. "Come back with me to my place for now," he says.

Benrey turns around quickly and gives Tommy a hug. He doesn't let go for a while and knows he's crying. Tommy pats him on the back, and Sunkist puts his head on Benrey's lap. 

When he's done they get up and go to Tommy's house. It wasn't actually that far from the park which was a blessing for Benrey. It was a little house closely surrounded by other similar looking ones. Inside was clean and organized, Tommy even has a bookshelf of organized unique soda cans.

"Want something to drink?"

Benrey nods and is given a can of generic cola. He takes a seat on a recliner while Tommy gives Sunkist some water. When he is done Tommy sits on the loveseat close to Benrey.

"What happened exactly?"

"He brought up the betrayal again, and I panicked," he takes a drink of his soda. "I may have told him it was just a job."

"Why," Tommy says nearly with a squeak.

"It was better than saying, hey I'm in love with you and I'm a dumbass."

"Benrey, anything would have been better than claiming it was–" he puts his hand to his face and drags it down.

"I just didn't want him to know how fucking useless I was," Benrey.

"Benrey I know you did your best, I think you need to tell Mr. Freeman everything. If anything he'd be more pissed off at my dad than you."

"I don't know, Tommy," he says.

They drop the conversation for a while and Benrey plays something on Tommy's phone to distract himself.

A few hours later it rings with an unknown number, Benrey gives it over to Tommy.

"Hi, this is the Coolatta residence," he says.

Benrey can just barely hear the person on the other end, he sinks into the recliner.

"Oh hi, Mr. Freeman! How are you?" He asks.

Benrey shakes his head when Tommy looks at him, he understands. "I haven't heard from him but I can find him."

Whatever Gordon says next is quieter and makes Tommy frown. "Mr. Freema–" he pauses for a moment and looks at Benrey. "Gordon, it will be okay," he says.

Benrey blushes red and looks away from Tommy.

Tommy listens again, "I will, bye," he says and hangs up.

"What did he says?" Benrey asks bluntly.

"He's worried about you," Tommy says.

Benrey goes redder and starts bbbing but with a little smile.

Benrey helps make dinner, and they hang out for the night. It has calmed down Benrey a lot having Tommy around. He still itches to talk to Gordon but he doesn't want to without a plan. He is not going to fuck up again, this time it's the straight truth.

He doesn't gather the courage to have Tommy invite Gordon over until a couple of days later. Gordon had been calling the previous day just as worried as before and it made up Benrey's mind.

"Can you call Gordon over," Benrey says during breakfast.

"You ready to talk to him?"

"Yeah," Benrey hums.

Tommy calls Gordon up, it doesn't take him long to answer. Benrey listens from his spot at the table.

"Hi, Gordon," Tommy greets him happily. "Benrey made it here."

Tommy has to actually move the phone from his ear, he couldn't make out what Gordon was saying but he was talking fast.

"Oh, of course you can come by," Tommy looks at Benrey who is nodding. "How about in a couple of hours?"

He pauses to listen again. Whatever Gordon says at the end makes Tommy look sad.

"Yes. See you soon, Gordon," Tommy says.

Benrey is nervously clawing at the table and switching between bbbing and humming. Sunkist waddled over for Benrey to pet.

"Perfect dog, best boy," he praises Sunkist with kisses to punctuate them.

Tommy and Benrey take Sunkist out for a walk together. Benrey puts on Gordon's hoodie when they leave.

"I'm going to tell him the truth," Benrey says.

"You can do it, Benrey," Tommy reassures him.

When they get back Benrey spends the rest of the time waiting while hovering around Tommy's house. Benrey is at the kitchen table with his head down blowing into the sleeve of the hoodie. He freezes when the doorbell rings. Tommy sends Sunkist over to him and answers the door.

Benrey can hear them greet each other, it goes quiet for a moment. Benrey buries his head deeper into the sleeve. Gordon rounds the corner and their eyes meet. He freezes, he rubs the back of his head nervously.

"Hey," he says.

Benrey takes his mouth from the sleeve, "yo."

Gordon's mouth twitches slightly, then his shoulders droop. He sits downs across from Benrey at the table. Tommy hovers in the doorway but leaves when Benrey gives him a signal that he's okay.

"So where do we start?" Gordon asks.

Benrey looks away with a shrug; he doesn't know where to start, there was so much in his mind.

There is a beat before, "why did you actually betray me?" Gordon seems to decide on getting to the point then.

"It was just part of the narrative, I couldn't fight the way things had to go but I tried to follow the others and keep it light and fun," Benrey looks down at the table to a piece of wood he could pick at. "But all I did was piss you off."

"Everything?" Gordon asks.

"That whole arm thing wasn't part of the plan. That– that." Benrey stops talking and laid his head back on the table. "Was my fault though," Benrey finally says.

"What?"

Benrey sighs, "G-Man was pissed off at me for wanting to quit. It was my last job and he brought you in to keep me in line then hurt you when it didn't work."

"But why me?"

"You really don't remember me," Benrey looks up from the table.

"Wha– what?"

Benrey starts tearing up, "I thought maybe G-Man took your memories as part of his plan. I hoped you didn't just forget me."

"Benrey… I really don't know what you're talking about."

"You remember ever going to summer camp as a kid?"

Gordon looks to be thinking hard about the question but his face is scrunched in confusing. "I think so… wait," he says but then it hits him.

At 10 years old stuck at a run-down old summer camp, having only... _ one friend _ .

Gordon almost starts crying himself, "shit, dude why didn't you just tell me" he starts laughing.

"Because I'm an idiot, I don't know. I just wanted you to remember."

"I can't believe I didn't pick up on it," Gordon whips a tear away. "It should have been that dick slip thing, I remember you'd pull that on everyone at camp." Gordon continues between breaths, "and all that PlayStation talk, I can't believe I didn't remember."

Benrey smiles at him a little. Gordon puts his face in his hand as the laughing died down and he finishes it with a sad deflation of air.

"But why did you claim it was just a job when I asked during dinner?" He asks.

"Because I didn't want to tell the truth." He starts blowing raspberries again.

"What truth?"

He gets louder and Gordon waits for him to finish.

"That I like like you," he said in a rush of air.

Gordon just stares at him, "like like, seriously?" he starts but can’t help laughing. "Benrey, I don't understand a thing you do."

Benrey starts back up. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too, I–" Gordon isn't sure what to say. "God we're idiots," he laughs.

"Also Gordon I want you to know that I had absolutely no idea G-Man didn't tell you anything. If I did I would have fought harder against him," Benrey says.

"I believe that now," Gordon says getting up and goes over to Benrey. "How about we start again."

Benrey looks up at him, "okay," he says.

Gordon bends down to cradle Benrey's cheek in his hand. Benrey lets him lift his head up for their eyes to meet. Gordon closes in and kisses Benrey, it's just ghosting of lips. Benrey pushes up to kiss him harder. He doesn't even realize when he is standing being held in Gordon's arms.

They finally part, Benrey is humming again but because he's flustered and excited.

"I love you," Gordon blurts out.

Benrey nearly starts screeching which Gordon can't help but laugh at. Tommy with Sunkist close behind comes running into the room but is stopped by the scene in front of them. Benrey buries his face into Gordon's chest screaming and Gordon is shaking with laughter.

Gordon kisses Benrey's head. "Please come back home," Gordon whispers into Benrey's hair.

Benrey nods and they stand in Tommy's kitchen holding each other.

_ Home. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it... or is it??? Nope it's gonna be a series (after a short break)

**Author's Note:**

> https://vetraandgarrusaremyboos.tumblr.com/


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